The other day my husband and I had a pretty serious discussion. It wasn’t about our relationship, or finances (directly), or any of the usual suspects.
In fact, we were talking about my upcoming hospital rotation. Mr. PiN asked me directly: did I want to back out of going to work? Did I want to quit my job?
In the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, the question isn’t all that crazy.
Arguments for ditching hospital work
Personal risk
The biggest issue on our minds is the personal health risk.
Going in to the hospital daily does increase my risk of contracting this new infection; especially when compared to spending a day at home in my spare room, seeing patients over the internet.
Given my age and comorbidity (asthma), I am pretty worried about catching the novel coronavirus. I could end up pretty sick, and possibly hospitalized (maybe in the ICU, or even dead).
I am also pretty worried about passing the virus on to my husband. He has some medical issues going on now (though, because of the moratorium on “elective procedures” we don’t have a firm diagnosis right now. Grr.). Whatever he has, I am sure that getting sick with coronavirus won’t help.
Staying home is nice
I have really enjoyed working from home and seeing patients virtually. I do go into the office a few times a week, so I am not getting the full at-home experience, but I still get to stay at home 2 to 3 days a week.
I like not having to get fully dressed to go to work (I’m wearing clothes, honest, but my sweatpants are definitely not normal work attire!).
I don’t have to rush my breakfast before I go into work. I can have my coffee first, and snack on my oatmeal between patients.
I never have to search for an available bathroom.
I work in a room with a window (three,in fact), and have a nice view of flowering trees and my back yard if I look. My office and exam rooms can’t touch this.
I get to see my husband in between patients, if he isn’t working in the yard or the basement.
On the whole, I find I like staying home. I suspect that when the time comes to retire, I will be pretty content to keep staying home. Especially if the pandemic is over.
Arguments for working in the hospital
On the other hand, there are a number of reasons to keep working, and agree to work in the hospital for a couple of weeks.
The paycheck
Despite having saved a good deal of money, even before the market gyrations of the past 1-2 months, we were not financially ready to retire. I haven’t peeked at my investments yet–I learned in 2008-2009 that I would be happier just not knowing–but I am pretty sure that our current net worth is less than it was at the beginning of the year. So it’s pretty important that I keep earning my paycheck.
As long as I keep working and earning, we can cover our monthly expenses, leave our investments alone (hopefully to recover), and continue to invest more each month into retirement funds.
COVID FOMO
Money isn’t everything. Especially if I’m possibly risking my life to earn it.
I want to thank Dr. Dawn Baker of Practice Balance for coining the term COVID FOMO. It really expresses a lot of what I feel about my work right now.
My patients have been thanking me for taking care of the sick, and expressing reluctance to bother me with their problems.
While it is very nice to feel appreciated, I feel guilty when they write or say those things. Because, truly, I’m safe at home working from my computer. Or else safe in the clinic, at my desk behind a closed door.
In the past 2 weeks, I think I have seen 2 patients in-person. Both had been screened by phone, and then by nurses at the hospital entrance, armed with thermometers; all this was done before they were allowed in the office, where we both wore surgical masks to protect each other.
I am not on the front lines. Most times I’m not even on the field of battle. Getting thanked and recognized for my hard work seems fraudulent.
Call it stupid bravery, nobility, regret aversion, but I can’t bring myself to request coverage to avoid the risk of working in the hospital. I don’t want to look back on these times and think of myself as a COVID coward.
I should be pretty safe (I think)
To be fair, looking at CNN footage of the disaster zones of NYC and Milan hospitals is horrifying. If I were working in those places, I might be more inclined to back out of a hospital rotation.
Where I live, though we certainly have COVID-19 cases and deaths, our numbers are not nearly as high as we had feared.
My job will be to take care of patients who are very low risk for the disease. Quite frankly, the COVID suspects will be steered away from my service. I expect that I will be taking care of patients with all the usual problems that I used to take care of before: pancreatitis, pyelonephritis, heart failure. You know, regular patients.
Additionally, the hospital has stepped up safety precautions. Staff and patients get screened at each entrance, we have masks for everyone (maybe not multiple masks every day, but at least one per day). I hear we have N-95s if you need them.
Since we don’t have many patients now with COVID-19, after many weeks of social distancing–to be frank, I’d rather work on the in-patient service now, rather than 3 weeks after we loosen social distancing and the number of cases probably rises.
Preparations
By now, it probably shouldn’t surprise you that I decided to do my duty in the hospital.
We’ll see how it goes. I expect I will have a number of sleepless nights leading up to my return, as my anxious subconscious pokes me awake at inconvenient hours.
I have been asking Mr. PiN to help me with the bills (I may interview him again about how it is going), and I left him an In Case Of letter, so he should be able to manage if I can’t come home for a while. Our wills were finalized 2 years ago, so that should be settled.
We are planning how I can reduce my risk of bringing home the coronavirus. I have been wearing scrubs at work, and changing out of them in the office before I come home.
Mr. PiN has asked me to shower in the basement once I am working on the wards, before coming upstairs in clean clothes. He is working on making the area less grungy, and more palatable to my feminine sensibilities.
Hopefully, all will go well, and I will finish my tour of duty in good health, and feel virtuous about having done my job.
In a few months we will have to have The Talk again, when I am due to go back for the next rotation.
Have you had to have The Talk with your significant other?
Right there with you on the conflicting feelings about work and having to have “The Talk”… not only with my husband but with other family members as well. This whole thing is an evolving situation that we all have to address on an ongoing basis. Thanks for the mention, and good luck navigating it all!
Thank you for stopping by and commenting! It seems like the world, medical and non-medical, is changing more rapidly than ever. We’ll see how the next few weeks go.