If All Your Friends Retired, Would You Do It Too?

A phrase I used to hear all the time from my mother: if all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it too?

I don’t know if your parents asked you a similar question. Of course, my mother was not advocating bridge jumping; she was pointing out the importance of thinking for myself and not blindly following the herd.

The Power of the Iconclast

The personal finance crowd likes to talk about keeping up with the Joneses, and the importance of not doing that.

This is an insidious problem, and talked about at some length in The Millionaire Next Door, one of the personal finance classics and a huge inspiration for practicing stealth wealth.

Buying the big doctor house, for a not entirely random example, means not only a bigger house payment, higher utility bills, and more gardening expenses; it also means neighbors with fancier cars, with kids in private schools, who ask you to take in their mail while they go on exotic vacations.

Harnessing the Power of the Herd

Standing firm as a stubbornly independent thinker may be a Romantic ideal, but it is tiring. I firmly believe that humans are meant to live (and compare themselves to peers) in groups. These groups may be defined by family, tribe, neighborhood, religion, hobbies, or other interests.

This is the key reason, I believe, that programs like AA and Weight Watchers are so successful: people who want to make changes spend time with others who identify as people who don’t drink, or people who snack on an apple instead of Doritos (mm, chips).

It’s why having a walking buddy, or attending an exercise class, or going to the gym is so helpful for so many people. Whether the inspiration to work out is from comparison (“I’ll show I can lift more than Steve”) or meeting expectations (“even though I have chores to finish, I have to go out for my walk; Carol is waiting for me”), the power of peer pressure can encourage good habits as well as bad ones.

This power also means that you have to be careful about who you hang out with, to make sure you are getting the right influences.

Think again about a doctor buying their home. If, instead of the showplace house in the expensive neighborhood, the savvy doctor buys a smaller house in a more modest neighborhood, not only will she have lower house costs, she may also avoid the temptation lifestyle inflation.

When all her neighbors drive to the beach every summer for their big vacation, and cool their toes the rest of the summer in their kiddie pools, our plucky PCP will feel much less pressure to join the expensive country club or go on expensive vacations just to fit in.

I myself succumbed to the forces of peer pressure several years ago, when my two best friends had paid off their mortgage. Their experiences inspired me to work harder at paying off mine. Thank goodness I picked my friends well.

We are all just big kids

I don’t bring this up merely as a walk down memory lane, after going home to see my parents.

I bring it up because, notions of maturity to the contrary, I often think that under our suits and scrubs, we are all just big kids.

I am starting to feel some real peer pressure. It’s mostly unstated to be sure. But a number of friends and colleagues are retiring, and even though I just went through the numbers last month and know I am not financially ready, I am starting to feel the urge.

Most of my Saturday group friends are retired (they are all older than me). The most recent retiree claimed a few years ago that she couldn’t imagine retiring, that not-working just seemed indulgent. As far as I can tell, she is having a great time in retirement, spending time with her family–especially her grandchild–and taking local trips.

One of my closest friends is a physician and was, briefly, one of my preceptors. For years, she hasn’t been sure about retiring. She would talk about working at the local free clinic if she left her private practice. A few weeks ago she indicated she was planning her retirement, full stop, saying “I have other things to do.”

And then there’s my practice partner, older than me but definitely not yet 65. She sent me a text letting me know she is retiring this fall, and then she asked if I would join her in retirement. It was very tough to decline that (probably not too serious) invitation.

Finding Balance

I have been reading and thinking about financial independence and early retirement for at least 6 years now. Reading the FI/RE blogs (and others in personal finance) have given me the feeling of support I want from my herd. They say to me, you can do this.

It’s quite the shock to realize I am not ready for my live peer group to retire without me. Being left behind does not feel so great.

And yet, I need to do my own calculations about when it’s time for me to stop working for a living.

What do you think about retiring early? Are your friends and peers talking about it seriously?