When my father became very ill last spring, I realized that my mom didn’t really know everything she needed to in order to manage the household bills.
I started thinking about my own household: I have been taking care of the bills ever since we got married. Most of our discussion about the bills has gone something like this:
Me: I’m going to pay the bills this morning.
Him: Thank you for taking care of this.
Me (sometimes): Can you believe this water bill?
Him: I don’t know what to do about this, I do a lot of cleaning.
Clearly, we haven’t been communicating well about our expenses. I wasn’t really sure that my husband would be able to manage things if I were incapacitated.
Before our last vacation (which conveniently fell over the first of the month), I asked him if he would pay the bills that month. Of course, I would help him.
This would be our first real money date. I asked him if I could interview him afterwards, to see what he thought about it.
I note that my husband has a strong internal censor.
The Interview with Mr. Physician in Numbers
How did you feel when I wanted to go over the bills at home?
My initial reaction was that I was somehow at fault for some extravagant spending. Though I tried to act as though that was not the case at all.
How did you feel knowing we were going to go over the bills together on vacation?
It sounded horrible.
I thought it would be a minefield in which I would have to smile but watch my footing. The minefield would be my involuntary twitch of disgust at being forced to do this.
And worrying about finger-pointing when some excess spending on my part caused a temporary increase in the bills.
Was the actual experience better or worse than you expected? What made it better or worse?
It was far better than I expected. It was interesting to see where the money went and to figure out ways to lower some of the bills.
What was the most surprising thing you learned?
Not to downplay your efforts, but I was surprised at the ease of paying bills through the bank’s online billing. I was also outraged by the cable, water, and electric bills. I was happy to get that information because now I am going to get my pitchfork out [and work on lowering them].
What did you take away from the experience?
That it is always best to know how payments are made on your behalf.
No matter how efficient and intelligent your partner is, there is something that you can contribute to the economy of your household.
Would you be OK doing this again? If so, how soon?
First answer: Sure, maybe in 5 years.
Second answer: Whatever you say, dear. [Right answer! ed.]
Real answer: Let me change that. I would like to see the effects of changes we make. We could do the bills together periodically…There are some bills I would like to keep a handle on, I don’t necessarily want to do all the bills together regularly, but I would like to keep an eye on some of them, especially the ones I can lower. Like the utility bills.
Would you recommend this to other couples? What advice would you give them?
Have fun with the process. The surprising thing is that by collaborating on the bills, you can find efficiencies. There are certain fault lines in doing the bills, perhaps the idea of doing it while on vacation was good for us. I would suggest collaborating in a place with a positive vibe.
Do you feel ready to manage the bills on your own? (In case I can’t do them for some reason.)
No. It would take a few minutes to really gear up.
But, I am a billion times more able to do it than I was before we did this together.
There you go, it sounds like a money date doesn’t have to be torture.
Planning it ahead of time and finding ways to make the experience more pleasurable helped; we could see the ocean from our computer, which was a real bonus.
Do you do this with a partner? If not, what has been the stumbling block?