Readers of my blog might think that my father was the only parent who taught me anything about finances.
It’s true that he and I spoke often about money and investing.
However, it would be absolutely incorrect to think that I learned nothing about personal finance from my mother. It’s just that many of her lessons were not so explicitly about money.
In honor of my mother’s contribution to my financial knowledge, here are six lessons I have learned from her that are (or can) be related to financial health.
Finish the job properly
I can’t tell you the number of times I heard this one as a preteen and teenager.
You haven’t finished with the dishes until they are clean, dry, and put away.
The laundry isn’t done until it’s out of the drier, folded, and put away.
I can’t say that I appreciated this directive when I was younger, and sometimes I don’t really enjoy the mental jab I get if I contemplate leaving folded laundry on the bed.
On the other hand, it’s a useful habit, especially at work. Seeing the patient but not writing the note or dropping the bill is not great, and learning why that is so can be an expensive lesson.
I will do anything for you, but not at the last minute
When we were growing up, my Mom provided at lot of perks related to having a stay-at-home mom. We had rides to friends’ houses, a lift to the mall, (rarely) help with homework–usually proof reading.
When I broke my leg in college and couldn’t take the train home for the holidays, my mom drove all day to pick me up and bring me home, instead of just having to drive 15 minutes down the road to the train station.
She really made the effort to support us.
But.
She was not a fan of the last-minute ask. (True emergencies were excepted.)
It turns out that planning ahead is an excellent habit to grow into. It allows you to consider multiple options with plenty of time to consider pros and cons, and saves a ton in last minute fees or rate hikes.
If you want nice things, you have to take care of them
It could be true that I was not very tidy as a child. And that my clothes might have ended up on the floor more often than not.
I heard this phrase a lot from my mom, who was tired of seeing my “good clothes” (as well as my play clothes) crumpled up and mistreated.
It’s also true that this concept can be taken too far: think of the “good china” that never gets used, the “good furniture” that no one is allowed to sit on.
However, it is also actually true that taking care of your belongings keeps them in good shape and may extend their life.
Maintaining a car, treating clothing stains early (or wearing an apron to protect from stains), clearing lint traps…whatever it is, there is certainly plenty a person can do to keep important machines and belongings functional and good-looking for a long time.
Which saves money on repairs and replacements.
Money is to be used (it’s not only for keeping score)
This is not something my mother said directly, but rather something I inferred.
I particularly remember asking my mother if we were rich. Rather than using a number to decide if we were rich, she told me that, yes, we were rich, because we didn’t have to worry if something broke, like our washing machine.
This is in contrast to my discussions with my dad, who usually focused on numbers: how much do you have in your investment account? How much do you have in your retirement account?
Instead of keeping score with a number, my mom interpreted our wealth through the lens of what can we do with our money. Remembering that money is just a tool (for meeting basic needs, and also wants), and not the end game, is an important lesson.
We can’t have everything, we have to make choices
Lest you think we were a very rich family, this is also one of my Mom’s key lessons.
My mother was quite aware that not all of her dreams could be fulfilled on my dad’s income.
She and my dad did not do much foreign travel until the last of us was done with college.
Replacing the fence around our back yard was a major expense for the household, one which required some finagling of other planned expenses.
She did let me know that she and my dad prioritized their childrens’ educations, and also made sure I (and probably my siblings) knew that they certainly could have splurged more had they not been paying goodly sums for our schooling.
For some children, under some circumstances, this could have come off badly.
However, her delivery was such that it let me know that (a) I’d better appreciate the educational opportunities I was given and (b) even though my dad was surgeon, the family did not have infinite resources, and we had to make choices of where our (their) money would go.
An investing pearl: invest in companies you know and like.
As you might have inferred from my posts about my Dad, he liked to invest in the stock market. He picked individual stocks, having started investing long before index funds were a thing.
My mother is not a particularly active investor–she left that sort of thing to my Dad–but on occasion she has asked him to purchase the stocks of particular companies.
She has done so a few times, especially when she had to do business with someone and thought the company (as a whole) offered a great service. As in, they made something she used, and like to use, and if she has a problem, staffed their help line with effective people.
Mostly these were pharmaceutical companies, so I will not name names; but I will say, this approach has paid off handsomely for my mother’s finances.
What advice do you particularly remember your Mom giving? Is there anything you especially hope your children will learn (have learned) from you?