You might have noticed I haven’t blogged much: I’ve just finished another 2 weeks working in the hospital.
Overall, I have never figured out how to carve out time for myself when I do this sort of work. I don’t work continuously from 7 A-10P, but I frequently see myself working at those hours and for much of the time in between.
This latest hospital rotation really has been thinking it may be time to end this aspect of my job. In fact, this has been top of my mind for the past week; I’m hoping that writing about it may provide some clarity for me.
Twice in 2 days, I “enjoyed” this sort of interaction:
First, a patient’s wife (he is 88, so I think she is easily in her 80s) asked me if I was going to be retiring soon. I swear I said nothing to suggest I was thinking about it. I think she was looking at the grey streak I haven’t colored for years and figured I was old enough. Ugh.
Second, I ran into a nurse I worked with for years–she had moved to a floor I don’t usually see patients on. She was surprised to see me, as she figured I had retired years ago.
I don’t need to retire just to fulfill the expectations of others, but I really do wonder if I am getting too old and too tired to keep doing this.
If I stop attending in the hospital, I could sleep in on the weekends. I could exercise more every week. I would stop eating my weight in treats with my third coffee of the day while I work.
I would miss working with residents and students for longer periods at a time. If they need a lot of support, I don’t feel so sad about this; but I have had a lot of joy working with learners over the years.
There are also some financial aspects to this. My hospital time contributes significantly to my salary. I may find I have to expand my clinic time more than I like if I want to continue to receive health benefits. [Apparently my line in the compensation sand is health coverage.]
I’ve already committed to working in the hospital next year, so I have five or six months to let this roll around in my brain. I may decide the trade off with increasing clinic time won’t be worth it. Or I may find another role to keep my fractional FTE sufficiently high to keep health benefits. I may decide it’s time to retire altogether. We’ll see.
In the meantime, I’m thinking things like: this may be the last summer I work with the brand new interns. I find this bittersweet, but maybe more sweet than bitter.
For those who cut back before retiring, how did you decide what you could cut out without quitting altogether?