This is a question I have been asking a lot lately.
For the holidays, I ask my loved ones (or their parents): what do you want? Toys? Shirts? Books? A DVD? (For the record, a scarf or two and some lovely Smartwool socks–Margarita, knee-high–would be great for me.)
I have also been asking that question of myself during this season.
As I attend work functions, honoring a selfless physician who spent long hours at work and was well-respected by his peers: is that what I want to be?
As I see classmates promoted to higher rank, and praised in departmental meetings: Do I want this? Really?
If I do want it, am I willing to work the long hours, miss life at home, pushing to run programs and give talks on top of my full clinical schedule, all the things I need to do to achieve that goal?
Maybe I don’t want this, or not enough to put in all the work.
Do I want to retire in just a few years? Really?
If I do, am I ready to reduce expenses and invest more money? Knowing that I will need to be willing to stick to that budget forever?
Or maybe I want to be able to retire early, but not that soon. Is my balance of sacrifice and saving correct for me and my husband?
If I am not working and not collecting medicine-related accolades, what do I want?
Do I want to be fit and healthy? The cool aunt who comes to visit and plays with you? A relaxed and well-read woman? The person who always sends birthday and anniversary cards, and invites you to dinner on the spur of the moment (never worrying about cleaning up the house frantically because it’s always good enough for company)? The woman who gardens daily because she enjoys it and has a beautiful front yard?
I remember spending the summer with a family friend and her toddler. She said of her daughter, she is lucky; she always knows what she wants.
Me, I am still working on figuring out what I want.