I’ve been thinking about my Dad’s life in the past month. Luckily, it did not fall to me to write his obituary, but I have been asked to speak about him. Going through my notes, there are a few non-financial lessons I feel I can take away from his life.
I think he had a good life and a good retirement. I hope some of his lessons may be helpful to you.
Work and play are both important
My dad worked hard.
One of his residency classmates was drafted before starting, so he and his other classmate were on call every other night for at least a year.
He served his country for 2 years after finishing residency, one of those years near the DMZ.
He went into practice for a few years with his dad, who had saved a ton of surgical cases for him, as my grandfather’s eyesight started failing while he was serving abroad. My grandfather gave him plenty of work to keep him busy.
As my Dad’s family grew, he had to support a wife, 3 kids, and the help my mom had around the house. There were a lot of people counting on him to put food on the table, which put some pressure on him to work more.
He fulfilled his obligations of supporting his family, caring for his patients, and teaching the next generations of residents.
All during this time, he took one afternoon off a week to get outside: golf whenever the course was available and, later, skiing in winter. Sometimes my mother resented the time (and money) spent away from the house, but he told me later that this break kept him from losing his mind.
He prioritized work-life balance before that was a trend.
Health is a priority
My dad didn’t inherit the best genes, and his lifestyle in his youth wasn’t really the healthiest. Think of the young men who died Korea, whose arteries were found to already have plenty of fatty deposits.
When he started having chest pains in his 40s, with 3 children under 7, he did something pretty bold. He was a solo practitioner, and closed his practice for a few months (that meant: no income), in order to work on his health. He changed his diet to one with very little fat or salt; started running; and lost a bunch of weight. He kept this up at home, going running before sunrise, so that he could get to work on time. Eventually his diet became less strict, and some weight came back on, but he didn’t need heart surgery until more than 20 years after his initial symptoms.
Over the years, he developed arthritis, and his heart got worse, so the running and skiing stopped, and eventually even golf. However, he kept working on his health, and until the week before he developed his final illness, he was working out with a personal trainer (doing weights and balance work) at the local Senior Center twice a week.
He worked very hard to keep his body going for as long as possible.
Keep learning and try new things
I mentioned that my Dad started skiing in his middle age. He had not done this when younger, but picked it up when he had to chaperone my grade school field trips to the local hill. He enjoyed it much more than I did, and skiied for at least another 20 years (maybe 25?) until he had go on warfarin.
He loved photography in his youth, and had a darkroom in our basement for years. However, when digital cameras came around, he was willing to see what he could do without film.
He grew roses for a while, and then vegetables (until the wildlife started eating too many tomatoes).
He embraced technology, getting a personal computer relatively early, and a cell phone before they were popular.
Once he was retired, he joined book clubs and learned more about bridge conventions.
He wanted to know what his children were doing–not just because we were doing it, but because he got to learn about 3 different fields by asking about our jobs.
Staying curious and trying new things keeps your brain younger and active. It also makes you a more interesting person.
Travel the world
Though my Dad lived and died in his hometown, he was not one of those people who refused to go anywhere else. He thought travel was very important to broaden the mind.
He crossed the country by car with his best friend in college, and traveled the world on Uncle Sam’s dime.
Before they had a full house, and then again after it was empty, my parents took some amazing trips to Europe, to Asia, even to Antarctica. It was only a hospitalization abroad that clipped their international travel wings.
Even in the last year or two, when Mr. PiN and I took our first trip after COVID (to Maine), my dad asked if he would like visiting there.
Even though my mom made a great home for my Dad–one he very much enjoyed and appreciated–he thought it was important to see new places and learn what life is like away from your usual experience.
Grow roots, and be a good friend
My Dad had a best friend since very young childhood. They have known each other for over 80 years, and I think talked to each other nearly every day.
He and my mom had a circle of friends who hosted each other over the holidays (my parents had Memorial Day). On reflection, many of those friends had known each other since elementary school, in addition to raising children of roughly the same age.
He choose to be involved in many groups: Meals on Wheels, long-running poker games, bridge games, book clubs, our house of worship, and more. He didn’t feel the need to run any of them, but was an active participant to keep them going.
He didn’t just stick with old friends. Quite a few people who came to the funeral were at least a generation younger, and had the most interesting stories of how they knew my parents, and the many kindnesses my dad had done for them.
He and my mom built a large, supportive group of friends, who have been a godsend during some of his illnesses, and especially now. This is a wealth that you can’t buy with money, but only with the investment of time and personal energy.
I could go on longer about my Dad, who (if you can’t tell) I loved very much. However, everyone has their own parents and their own lessons to learn from them. If you have any good memories to share below, please feel free to add your own.