When It Is All Too Much

I can’t say that I am reacting all that well to this COVID-19 pandemic.

I mean, I’m doing what I should: social distancing, getting some exercise, going to work. I call my family. I haven’t run screaming into the night.

On the other hand, I’m not feeling so great.

The disease has made an appearance in my part of the state.

Every live office visit makes me anxious about asymptomatic carriage. Every telemedicine visit makes me anxious I am missing something important.

When I open up the computer at work, I get messages about changes at work (occurring daily, at least). When I check social media, I get posts from doctors in other regions: overwhelmed with cases, lacking PPE, and describing new ways in which patients do poorly. Not to mention people writing about how all the irresponsible millenials/baby boomers/Democrats/Republicans/fill in your group aren’t respecting social distancing.

Sometimes it is all too much, and I just have to close up all the bad news, and take care of myself.

What have I been doing?

Exercise is great. I have taken solace in walking frequently these past weeks. Thank goodness spring is coming, and there is some new color appearing in the gardens each time I go out. A gym class via Zoom yesterday was a real mental relief, as well as a calorie burner.

Reading a paper book keeps me away from my screen and News Tabs of Doom. I pulled another gift book off the shelf–The Yid, by Paul Goldberg. This is not quite to my taste, but I will see if I can get to the end. By then, some books by favorite authors are due to be out.

Wine. This is not really a great long-term coping stratagem, but I must confess, that for a few nights last week, I had some wine with dinner. It may have helped me relax, but this needs to be an occasional event only. I have spent the last 10 years dealing with the unfortunate sequelae of EtOH use, there is no need for me to give myself another problem in addition to my heartburn.

Coloring. I laughed at the trend of adult coloring books a few years ago, but then came around to trying one. I have a pretty one, with intricate designs that I need to fill in carefully; 1/2 hour in the evening calms me down a lot. I can’t even see the colors properly, but concentrating on the activity does quiet the mind. It also keeps me off the screens.

Old movies, especially frivolous ones. If they were good enough to keep grandma’s mind off the Great Depression, the War to End All Wars, and the Cold War, they are good enough for me. Fred Astaire was a real lifeline last night for our household.

Cutting myself some slack. I am working on being kind to myself. Even though I have a lot more time, because my work schedule is getting lighter each day, my brain is overloaded. If I don’t clean my desk, or even blog faithfully, I keep telling myself it will be OK.

What are you doing to deal with the stress of providing patient care during this pandemic?